did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize