I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
