I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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