like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
