my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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