I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
