eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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