I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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