I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
