I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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