Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
birth control should be required to get into college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
