the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
