Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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