So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
