and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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