if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
