went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
