Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
wow bdsm is so cute
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