i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
