i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
