please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize