I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
