Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
