We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
