Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
