she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
