I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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