There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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