Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
