I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
