all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
