I want to walk on stilts...naked
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
