The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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