Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
