alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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