not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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