I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
