Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
