I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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