so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
