This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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