Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
