Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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