i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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