Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
