I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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