Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think my mom watched the whole time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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