why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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