Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
