Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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