and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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