I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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