Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
