I cockslap morals
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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