I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
