loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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