I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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