Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
