Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
