I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
