I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
