He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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