My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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