Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
