K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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