Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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