we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
40s are totally the cure
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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