Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
whose parrot is this?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
