the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
