I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
