i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have fence marks all over my body
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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