There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize