I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
