Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
