Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
