Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
